The Last 5 Months

It has been five months since my last post and to be honest I am disappointed in myself. Like times before I have let my circumstances overwhelm me. It is important, however, to not beat myself up for this. Which I have habitually done in the past when , as I like to say, “I have fallen off the planet.” When I “fall off the planet” I isolate myself. I don’t do much outside of going to work and coming home and going to bed. 

         I visit my “Abyss”, which is like this internal pit of despair. It is this place where I am prone to making a list of all the things I have done wrong, all the things I have yet to achieve, and telling myself this is not where I  thought I would be.  I have to fight it. This way of thinking is a habit for me. A habit that turns me to my addiction to food to sooth my racing mind. I have to pause the moment I recognize the spiral. Focus on what I am grateful for and blessed for having. Focus on why what I am going through evolves me. Focus on the lesson at hand. Focus on the change I have made by acknowledging my behavior and working on changing my thoughts.

Image result for changing your mind is the first step to changing your body

One of the greatest challenges on this journey is not changing my body but changing my mind. If I don’t change the way I think, changing the things I do won’t last very long.  I know from personal experience. I have started over many times before but this time is different. I am dedicated to changing myself inside and out for me. Not for someone else and not because of someone else…but that is a tangent for another entry. 

                  To continue on track, I have been going through some transitions. I have got a new job, I am in saving mode to move and get a new car, additionally whilst working on a few other things. Amidst the following I have gotten into a funk, which is a bit evident from the previously mentioned Abyss that I have the reflex to visit. It happens from time to time, particularly when I am making changes or adjusting to them.  On the bright side the past few months with more conscious awareness I have not let my funk set me back. 

Instead, and in spite of doubt; depression; and or anxiety, I have pulled my unmotivated/exhausted behind out of my bed to do whatever it is I have needed to get done during these transitions. Even if it was the minimum for a day.

Physically I haven’t been walking like I was over the summer, but a new challenge has kept me from falling behind. My new job keeps me on my toes regularly requiring me to dash back and forth or stretch. Granted, I do still want to establish a workout routine outside of this. This is something I must make happen. Making time to make the life I want rather than settling for a minimum. It is a fight worth the struggle of battling myself over.  

Here is the updated starting point for 2018.

(new measurement/first measurement) 

Neck 16”/17” Bust 54”
Chest 51”/52” Midway/Abd 62.5”/66”
Waist 52”/57” Hips/Lower Abd 72”/75”
Thighs 39”/42” Knees 23”/25”
Calves 22.5”/23” Ankle 11”/12”
Upper Arm 23”/25” Forearm 13.5”/14”

Onward and Upward,