It has occurred to me that one day when I have plateaued, and a healthy way of life is just my life, the adoration and pride that was once bestowed upon me by others will dissipate. It makes me sad and disappointed, not that it will happen, but that the eventuality bothers me. When I feel I have conquered a new challenge the first thing I want to do is call those who I am closest to. I seek their praise because, I have realized, I do not feel entirely validated without it. However I also feel, in truth, I should not seek such validation, that the praise of others should merely be the icing on top of a cake I have already baked.
This recent awareness has challenged me to address the facet of myself that seeks outside validation. When I was seventeen I was informed of this, though it is a side of me I have not really faced head on until this past year.
“Long-lasting change that will help you create new habits and actions requires an inside-out approach, as well as two very important tools: the mirror and time.” Darren Johnson
As previously stated in past posts my current adventure has given me the space and time to look in the mirror in a new way, the opportunity to address the way I think about myself and question my thought process so that I may alter it in my mission to create long-lasting successful changes. The process starting on the inside until it takes root transforming my outside. I have been deconstructing my internal house starting from the top moving all the way down to my foundation.
“The kind of beauty I want most is the hard-to-get kind that comes from within – strength, courage, dignity.” Ruby Dee
I cannot, nor should I replace all of what has been laid to create the person I am, or the person I have been. I can and will replace, what is broken, repair what is damaged, and lay new what has been acquired through self-discovery to help me transform into the person I want to become. I want to transform my mind so that I do not need to seek validation from others with the fervor that is my current reflex. It is not that I want my cheerleaders to cease and desist, but that I have a greater appreciation in my actions for myself and know that being proud of myself for what I have worked for towards personal growth is enough.